how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
