you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
