she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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