I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
