Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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