Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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