My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
