I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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