I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
