hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
