dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out