hotties wanna shake it
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins