Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want a musical about memes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
