I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
