Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
