A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
