Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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