i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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