You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
