Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We just shotgunned beers for America
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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