I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
