i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to cum in my sink.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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