He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
