i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
