My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Vodka?
Forever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
