Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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