I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
