Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
