this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
