My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
