if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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