How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
