I need help removing her.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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