I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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