his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
