Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
