i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
