Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
