i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
