I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
