Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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