I'm lost and stupid without you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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