my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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