remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
