I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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