The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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