What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
