God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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