You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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