Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think my moral compass just broke
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
