She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
