so that wasnt chicken after all
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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