Kiss
Puke
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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