the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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