Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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