This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
