Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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